ultimate frisbee + old fart sub cult

[an article I wrote for the PUA website a few years ago... it's timely again as stupid ole me will play in another disc league this summer... stupid... stupid... stupid...]

Old Fart Eye for the Ultimate Guy

[Or how to survive the game we all love when you’re NOT young, fast and athletic]

The sport/game/cult of Ultimate is continually evolving in Manila. “Back in the day” it was played by a small group of expats and a few Pinoy weekend warriors who wanted to sweat and have ultimate fun on Sunday afternoons. Today, whether you like it or not, disc is more competitive – with more athletic types ruling the field. So how does a 36-year old keep up with 20-something legs in every pick up, hat tourney and league game? Read on.

ATTIRE

Of course we all know it’s wise to bring a light and dark shirt. This will keep you from going skins or shirtless - because no one wants to see a flabby tummy bouncing around when you run. It’s also wise to wear a bandana, a visor or a cap in case you are balding. And most important of all, never ever wear short shorts… unless your name is Danny and you play for Sunken Pleasure.

PREGAME

Come about 1-2 hours before start of pick up or a league game. That way you get a chance to throw, warm up, stretch and work up a bit of sweat. This is important because you may go for just 1 point and leave the rest of the afternoon to drinking beer and eating those damn cookies.

But if and when you play…

OFFENSE

Chances are, the person guarding you will be faster. So how do you outwit, outplay and outlast your defender? Simple, take him out of the play by taking yourself out. In other words, get out of the way. Let your faster teammates do the cutting and catching and just give everyone a high five when your team scores.

DEFENSE

Most likely, the person you are assigned to will be quicker than you. So when you get beat, run after him or her like hell. Only two things can happen anyway: [1] you can earn the ire of your teammates [#$^##&$*#, WHO’S ON THAT GUY/GIRL?] or [2] get a cheesy cheer like NICE TRY [now sit your butt down on the sidelines].

Also, when choosing a person to guard, always pick a guy extremely better than you. At least you have an excuse when he when he burns you. Lastly, never ever pick a woman to defend against because we all know how hard it is to chase women.

POSTGAME

Two words. Ben Gay.

EPILOGUE

I’ve been burned by 20-somethings, 30-somethings and women a lot of times. I’ve lost count of how many times the person I am guarding has eluded me and scored. I’ve eaten so much pride while playing disc that I think I’m gaining weight. I have accepted the fact that there will always be someone faster, more talented than I am. But that doesn’t stop me from putting on my cleats any chance I get and try to hold my own against 20-something athletic legs. Hey, I’ve scored, cut and made great plays a lot of times too. Now that we’re done with the basics of playing the game, here comes the harder part - HOW TO SURVIVE PARTIES AND NIGHTS OUT. But that’s another story.